Because I’m a man

when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I’m a man,
when the car isn’t running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I’m looking at.  If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, ‘I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know
where to start.’  We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I’m a man,
when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan.  You’re a woman.  You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
Because I’m a man,
I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like  steaks, milk or bread.  I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like ‘tofu’ or ‘tampons.
For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I’m a man,
when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man,
I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it…. though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…..
(former applies mainly to engineers).
Because I’m a man,
there is no need to ask me what I’m
thinking about.  The true answer is always either golf,  cars,
sports or sex.  I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don’t ask.
Because I’m a man,
you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie.   

Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards… then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I’m a man,
I think what you’re wearing is fine. 
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it,
looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?
Because I’m a man,
and this is, after all, the year 2012,
I will share equally in the housework.  You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I’ll do the rest…… Like hosing down the patio and wandering
around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do next.

This has been a public service message for women to Better understand men.

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